Musings on life.

What is life? 

What is life according to me? 

It's a maze of everything. Everything jumbled up into one thing. That's life. 

Life is when we are lost in the maze and are clueless of its exit or entry. It's like that snake curling itself Around us, neither letting us free nor killing us to ultimate peace.

Life is that in which you know not where the walls of the maze are. It is that huge maze, where, roaming around, getting stuck, coming out, and again getting stuck is the main motive. 

Life is that when we understand we are petty puppets in that huge maze, jumbled up with everyone: emotions, patience, perseverance, love, compassion. 

Life is that maze when you find yourself in love with one of the walls, but then, you know that wall isn't yours. It's of the maze. 

It neither leaves nor holds you. That's life. 

Life is when you become blindfolded for something in that maze and go round and round to start again from square one.

But it's our courage that helps us start again. That's life. 

Did you ever see a thunder storm? The dangerous lightning? Life is that. Life is like that dangerous lightning which can light up your life for seconds, and then, send you to the dark for eons. 

Life is like a needle and a thread. You stitch something with patience, love and calmness , but over time, the thread becomes weak and breaks. That's life. It shatters and crumbles your thoughts, ideas and hopes. 

And yet, we don't know how do we gather all the crumbled courage back to run again in that race. A never ending race. In that round track in the maze where the race never seems to end. Where displacement and work in vector terms may be zero, but our energy and will in physical terms, is absolute nil. 

When will this race end? 

Mother.

Feelings are so strange that they make you wonder about the complexities in the human brain. Feelings are so weird and absurd that it can make you feel two things, right at the same time.

I am settled here in a new city now.  Everything that you need to do by yourself. From the teachers speaking about selection every single moment to even washing your own clothes; it reminds me how hard my mother worked and how I always took her for granted. 

I often used to feel irritated when I did not have my things straight, just at their right places, unable to understand how monotonous and hard it was for my mother to keep them perfect, every single time.

And now, even the thought of doing all that by yourself, throw shivers down my spine.

I was a stubborn person. I had fights with my mother. I did not like her at a certain point of time.

I desperately wanted to leave home.

However, the scenario is the complete opposite now. 

I feel dull when I wake up in the morning, since, I do not have anyone to talk to. 

Or call me up. 

I do not have anybody to listen to my nonsense 

or listen to my songs.

Or simply talk to me. 

I do not have anyone to share everything that's going on with me

NO one to ask if I am hungry or full

I feel homesick

I feel the need of my mother now. 

I remember how I used to pester her for the silliest of things, never even thinking of the this day.

However, Karma turns its wheel.

And so has it. 

It is so weird to feel the complete opposite for a person, whom you used to practically hate, maybe, months ago. 

They say," Distance makes the heart grow fonder", however, it has made me desperate to mend many ways. 

And it hit me even harder when I fell ill a few days ago and did not have anyone by me. Tears accumulated in my eyes when I had called my mother, and she, staying thousands of miles away, tried comforting me just the way she did at home.

And I could not cry. All that crossed my mind were the moments when I had taken her care for granted. 

Last day, when I told  this to my mother, all she said was" This wasn't out of compulsion. You would understand all this when you be a mother".

Be a mother. Give birth to a child. Reproduce. 

Maybe, this simple natural phenomenon of reproduction to keep living things existing on Earth gave mothers the power to understand and feel everything that is going on in their child's mind. 

Maybe, it gave them the art of performing telepathy! 

নারীর টান, মহা টান। 

  

Communiqué.

Introducing my series of short deep stories for every interested inquisitive reader ( who go through my blog).
It feels great when your first ultra short story gets published by a 'page' on Facebook.

The link: https://mbasic.facebook.com/TheVibrantNewborns/photos/a.427659574061742.1073741829.418928691601497/663017793859251/?type=3&_ft_=og_action_id.663017883859242%3Atop_level_post_id.663017793859251%3Atl_objid.663017793859251%3Athid.418928691601497%3A306061129499414%3A69%3A0%3A1483257599%3A-801058379418927995&__tn__=E

The well written verse would be out soon.
Cheers!
P.S: Readers, Using words from other languages is not that easy. Let me know if my usage of the word is wrong. 

The unforgotten.

Somethings never get forgotten.
Something's shouldn't have happened.
Because, when they happen, they leave scars. Scars, which don't mix with the skin easily.
Life is strange. It potentially shows you the highs and then, all of a sudden, commands you to start forgetting them.
Funny, isn't it?
When you snatch a toy from an infant, he cries. Are we, mature people, expected not to cry when things get snatched from us?
Aren't we immature, deep down, in our little hearts?
They say, life is full of zest. Kidding me? Crap.
Life is like that rude non- family man, who doesn't know anything except giving lessons.
Life is that hitler thing, which makes you learn hard notes.
Are we always expected to learn it the hard way?
Are we always expected to learn and learn and never have memories of good things?
Are we expected to become robots?
Then why make us humans, who feel and sense?
I Wonder why is it this way.
When a mother has to teach a lesson to her child, she scolds him, beats him, but, does she snatch away whatever he likes?
Whatever he loves?
You know, I feel scared now. Scared of every good thing that happens to me. Cause, I fear. I fear of the karma wheel. Since, I do not know what I will have to again sacrifice to pay for the little happiness I had.
Is life so scary? Is Karma so scary? Why?

I have lost people. People who were the dearest to me. People, who I could not be without. People who constituted an integral part of my world.


I wish life stops. I wish time stops.
I wish we could freeze. Memories freeze.
Atleast, they would not be hidden under the heap of bad memories, again.

Being Common is being monotonous!

Observations are often made of things which aren't very familiar to you. You often observe things which you don't get to see day in and day out. But, ever thought of observing your beloved ones, for an instance, your own father?

It was an unusual evening when my  father started chatting with me about various topics. Topics which obviously matched his standards and by which I mean scientific stuff and disciplinary stuff. Gradually, I started understanding why arguments take place between my mother and father, since they are from completely different backgrounds.

But, observing him for about an hour or two, I realised, I missed so much to see in him.

He is an introvert, like me, like every other capricorns are(usually)! A strict lover of discipline and silence, he at times treats us as jawans being trained in the NDA maybe. An absolute peace lover and a very knowledgable person(according to me), he is an orthodox bong father, who is trying to keep the pace with the times. However, he walks the path he wants to, irrespective of the fact whether the current generation agrees to it or even cares about it or not. A person who is a book worm( like me again) loves reading and pursuing interests in various fields, whichever his mind wants to pursue in that span of time. Interested in subjects like Electronics and communication, music, engineering, science and various other ( which you can get a hint by seeing the huge mini library at our house, I cordially invite you all, dear readers to visit us someday), he is basically a person who is a " अपने मन कि मालिक " type of a person. Doesn't cracks a lot of jokes and is highly ambitious. Expects me to be in the top most position in the near future, which I believe, is the birth right of every father!

He was narrating a story of how he was offered some naked cash in a briefcase, for his luxury.

In today's world, where there is a huge price hike and people are basically struggling to fulfil the basic needs or necessities, I often find people lamenting, complaining and regretting of getting such a life. Who would not want to get free cash to maybe enjoy luxury, comfort and gift his kids and wife precious gifts? Do morals still exist among people any more? Are humans aware of this term anymore in the 21st century of a 'digital life'?
( By the way, I salute PM Narendra Modi's struggle and initiatives in upgrading the standards of living of the less privileged, in every way possible. That was just a mockery of the widely used, recent, slogan of the millions!)

My father works in the steel producing sector. A chemical engineer himself, he is a proud, inquisitive man, who gathers knowledge from every end ( leaving literature, letting me wonder how is that possible? ). Recently, some person had purchased huge equipments and had basically offered him naked cash, so that, he could get things out straight. So that, things could not be legal. So that, my father would simply accept it as some expensive gift by some of his colleague.

My father is not a hardcore patriot. Neither does he work in the army. He could have easily accepted that 'expensive gift' to make us more happy. Why didn't he do so?

(My much admired readers would now think, what on Earth is wrong with me? Why do I ask a question after everything? Well, that's just my way of observing stuff!)

A place where even a 'help' can be payed in several ways, I had never expected my father to have rejected such a big deal Because, no common man would have. No middle class man would have even thought of rejecting that huge a deal.

My Father just did that, proving, he isn't a commoner.

Readers, my main motive in this huge piece was to prove that, you aren't classified as a commoner by the wages you earn ( excluding the thoughts of the society). A class is simply not defined by how much can you pay in your daughter's wedding, or how much can you ask for in your son's wedding; It doesn't depend on the type of furniture that you have or the type of decorated house you dwell in. Its just a state of mind. A mind, which can make you feel like Ambani one day, and again, make you feel like a popper the other day. Its a gameplay of the mind.

And, What is better than having a feeling, that can make you feel the best?

Not bragging about my father, but somewhere deep within, I feel, discipline shapes a person emotionally, physically, mentally and morally. Boring gets masked somewhere! 

It's pain, and it demands to be felt!

       

We often haven't realised but,

All that remains is pain:

It's painful when you need to leave something or someone. 

It's painful when you need to forget all those memories which had become a part of your life, without which, you could not live; without which, spending each moment seemed to be impossible. 

It's painful when you need to forget the person you love.

And all that remains is pain

Yet, we fail to realise that, all this brings in something new, something exuberant. 

After all it's pain, and it demands to be felt!

It's painful when you need to leave an environment which had nurtured you, helped you grow, bloom and blossom for 10 long years; an environment where you learnt how to speak, how to seek, how to fall and how rise 

Among all those, which came as a come and go of your life. 

A place which taught you how to trod along even when things go wrong.

It's painful  to accept and adjust to a new place where,

You do not know the people around you 

You do not understand what they tell you

The things they say, the things they do

Seems to be all but a cloud

Of grey hue 

A cloud where nothing is visible 

But all you do is to trod along 

In this large loom. 

It's painful to see new faces replace the old ones; 

It's painful to understand what is good for yourself and simply move on.

Yet, it teaches us

How to simply get into something new

Something completely unknown 

To try and know the sunshine 

Which is hidden in it, unknown. 

But it's painful to do all that

Yet it's pain, and it demands to be felt!  

Yet among all this, the upcoming unique challenges and the new faces

The new teachers and peers in a group

The new set of feelings which are completely alien and true

The indecisions and faith that we have on someone and something new 

That makes us wonder like a fool! 

It's painful to replace all those old ones with these seemingly new  and simply move on..

And It is pain,which we fail to realise is the best teacher.

Feel it until you die, until it reaches your breath, until you cannot breathe and die all because of that one thing: PAIN!

Afterall it's pain friends, 

And it demands to be felt! 

Time is a great healer, but a poor beautician.

" Mum, I am leaving, Good Bye!"

Tej left his room, leaving his mum behind. Generally, he would not say this any other day but something had compelled him to wish his mom, maybe, for one last time.

As he walked through the dusty roads in his street, all the wonderful moments that he had with his mum played in his mind, like a flashback. Tej wondered why this happened as his mother was placed at a good position in the list of his haters. He didn't know what was going on.

A pain of separation had filled his heart. The constant fear of not being able to see his mother had pushed him into deep thinking.

Tej's dad had passed away when he was 5. He had seen his mother struggle as a single parent although she was advised to marry her brother in law. She never wanted to share the love for her husband with some other man, but alas, Tej never understood.

His mum used to try hard to fulfil his needs, but could never give him what he wanted. She loved seeing him grow but understood that the distance between tej and her was growing too.

And as she walked through the same dusty roads at her times to reach her place and start working, one constant thought used to encourage her," Tej would understand, someday".

Years had passed and as usual, Tej's mum was ill. All these years, hatred had developed in his heart for his mother as he thought, she was the reason why he was deprived of a dad's love.

But that day, his mentality changed.

He had seen his colleague's wife, who didnt care of the existence of her daughter, and was enjoying the company of her second husband, his colleague. 

Tej understood it all, that day.

But it was too late before he could give what his mother had wanted for years, a son's love.

As he strode through the dusty roads engrossed in all his messy thoughts, he understood he was hit by something heavy, and in a moment, was dismayed on not being able to replay those memories. The tape seemed to be on a fast forward mode and in a moment realised , those were his last breaths. 

In a moment did he realise, it was too late.

And in his last moments, the only thing he could think of was:

Am I paying for my sins? Or is there more tolerance written in my Mom's fate?

His mom's heart and soul broke like a mirror, all shattered at once, thinking,

"It's too late to get anything".

People say, it's never too late. Let me ask you, isn't it too late for Tej's mum to get what she wanted ?

Never say it's never too late. A moment might delay everything in your life.